Reviews and Teasers

Affirmative Action



I am going to come right out and say this.  It might make you mad. But let’s put it this way.  If you do get mad, you are not a real man. Real men do not wear jewelry. I parked at the bar last night next to a good for nothing hoity-toity yuppie.  I looked over at him and he has this ID bracelet, looks like what he got for Christmas when he was 7 years old, or something.  A little gold chain around his wrist, so prim and proper, so stupid. And I say “Excuse me Little Lord Balderdash, pass me the beer nuts.” He turned to me and he has more chains around his neck than a Major League Dominican Republican baseball player.


Well I know right away I was sitting next to one of them. You know, work alone, bikini brief underwear.  And I says, “Excuse me sweetheart but aren’t you in the wrong bar. Aren’t you looking for one of those fern bars where they serve frozen drinks with pretty little umbrellas hanging off the edges of the glasses? Well Mr. Fancy pants turns all the way around and gives me a face of business and there it is. He has an earring sticking out his ear. So, I say “Excuse me, I have obviously sat in the wrong section myself. Hey Pete, you got any openings in the spit, scratch, and beer drinking section of this restaurant?”


“Now I do not want to cause no panic or nothing. But take it from me you let some guy with a bracelet and earring in your bar, boy you know he attracts others like him. And next thing you know they are putting in frozen daiquiri machines and Liza Minelli on the jukebox. Next thing they commandeer the big screen and change the ballgame to VH1 – Don’t let this happen in your bar!” Wake Up America. There is only one acceptable piece of jewelry – a Super Bowl Ring.

© Burbank Creations

Earl Pitts “Native American Redneck”


“Earl Pitts Native American Redneck” Track List

The Airbag
White Trash
Car vs. Horse Racing
Garages – Jewelry
Affirmative Action
Impressing a Redneck Girl
Sissy Truck
Another Dog