“Earl Pitts The Great Outdoors” Track List
2. Taking EJ Fishin’
4. Women Hunting!
5. Pearl…Deer Hunter
6. Lawn Chairs
7. EJ’s Throwing
8. Right Field
Here’s one of many choice stories on the Great Oudoors.
So, there is all this torture Pearl puts herself through every spring. It ain’t just Pearl. All women do it because it’s bathing suit season. I am in the store innocently buying some socks and she starts in on me, ‘Earl let’s stop over the ladies department and I’ll try on some swimsuits. So of course, I start to make a mad dash to the parking lot to wait for her in the truck. But she nagged me over there and told me to wait outside by the fitting rooms.
So here I am hiding behind the Double D brassiere rack, you know in kind of a dream state when this pork queen in a leopard skin bikini rolls over next to me to get a look in the mirror. Well right now I figure I’m caught in some kind of double vision nightmare, because behind her comes her equally chubby sister in some skin-tight flower bathing suit, So the #1 sister says to the #2, ‘I read in Cosmo these animal skins help camouflage a full figure. Yeah like a water buffalo gonna blend right in with the cement. And then sister #2 looks over at me and says ‘I think we need a man’s point of view. You think the floral print makes me look big in the hips?” Since she asked “from the view at this point I don’t see how you can blame all that on flowers’.
And here comes Pearl in a suit and after what I’d been through it did not look half bad. I weren’t gonna comment either, but she had to go and open her mouth. “Look, Earl. This one looks pretty good and it really shows off my cleavage.” And I said “Pearl, I always thought cleavage was something that was supposed to pop out on the top side, not ooze out the bottom of the bathing suit”. And I’m still alive.