Excerpt from One Sick Puppy…
I wanted to get my boy a man-dog for his birthday. Before I could get him a man-dog, my girlfriend got him a Chihuahua. ‘Oh, why don’t you just put lip gloss on him and get this over with’. Nothing breaks a man’s heart more than going to pick up your kid for your weekend and he is standing there with a Chihuahua and a roller bag. ‘Oh, get in the truck, Paris’.
I hate that dog. He’s always sick (dog vomiting). I think there are more sick dogs now than there was 20 to 30 years ago. They just don’t feed dogs properly anymore. The TV tells you they need Eukanuba and Iams. My dog never had that on the farm. He had…shit. I’m serious. He’d find some out in the yard. ‘I think I found a Tootsie Roll. That dog never had Iams. He lived to be 17 years old. Three legs, one ball. He never had Eukanuba.
See, they marketed dog food to you. That’s what it is. Lamb and rice. That sounds good. You never go into Petco and buy flavors they really want. ‘Is that dead bird and tampon wrapper”? He loves that…
1) Pickup Lines
2) Dollar Store
3) Walmart
4) Flying
5) Mississippi
6) Oklahoma
7) Casinos
8) Old People
9) History of Beer
10) Taco Bell
11) My Ex and I
12) Girlfriend Moves In
13) Garage Sale
14) Crafts
15) Toilet Paper
16) The Mall
17) B.B. Guns
18) One Sick Puppy
19) The End
